


Bright and Beautiful

by idrilhadhafang



Series: Star Wars Rewrites — Backstory [10]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Age Progression, Angry Kylo Ren, Backstory, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Community: trope_bingo, Fluffy beginning, Hurt Poe Dameron, Jedi Ben Solo, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Backstory, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, M/M, POV Ben Solo, POV Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Pre-Canon, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Torture, Tortured Poe Dameron, Torturer Kylo Ren, Unhappy Ending, Young Ben Solo, fantasies of First Order Poe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-02-27 15:10:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13250835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: The evolution of mind-reading in Ben/Kylo and Poe’s relationship.





	Bright and Beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Telepathy/Mind Meld
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Was initially going to be focused more on in general, but then it developed into more of this. Hope it still fits the prompt, at least. Also trigger warning for the torture scene at the end.

The thing about Poe’s mind is that it’s so bright. It’s like even with the hardships he’s faced, he’s still incredibly kind, still incredibly bright and happy and curious about Ben — not wary of him, but curious, captivated by his Force abilities. That’s something that Ben isn’t used to. He’s used to being treated like he’s dangerous, even though he doesn’t want to hurt anyone. He isn’t used to being treated like his abilities are something to be cherished, not in the slightest.   
  
“So you can read minds?” Poe says at one point. They’re sitting outside on Yavin when Poe’s come back for a while on leave, sitting in the grass together and looking up at the clouds. Ben swears he can see a starship in one of the clouds as he looks up.   
  
“Yeah.” Ben sighs. “It’s not something I should do...”  
  
“Well, you can’t help it, can you?” Poe says.   
  
“It’s been there for as long as I can remember,” Ben says.   
  
“What’s it like?”  
  
“Well,” Ben says, “I learn more about people than I want to know. It’s noisy — really noisy. Like being in a room with a lot of people when they’re talking over each other.”  
  
“I’m sorry.”  
  
“Comes with the territory,” Ben says. He runs a hand through his hair. “It’s not your fault.” There’s something about Poe where it can never conceivably be his fault. Not like this. And in truth, Poe’s mind is a beautiful place, from what Ben can see of it. It’s brilliant, radiant, full of light and happiness and cheerfulness. It’s like no matter what life does to him to try and grind him down, he finds something in life to bring him joy.   
  
Ben wishes that he were that way. Then again, he’s always been the one who’s different. Imperfect. The one who stands out.   
  
“What’s my mind like?” Poe says.   
  
“Well,” Ben says. “It’s...”  _Beautiful._ “It’s full of light and warmth. Not everyone’s mind is filled with that.”  
Poe’s seen horrors in the New Republic Navy, but he’s still so strong.   
  
“I wish it was like that for you all the time,” Poe says.   
  
“You’re enough.” And it’s true. Even with all the slimy Senators who think only of themselves, and some of the Jedi students who distrust him, even with Mom’s worry and Uncle Luke’s, Poe’s mind is perfect. Amazing. Comforting.   
  
“Still,” Poe says, “You deserve to be happy.”  
  
Ben smiles. “You too.”  
  
They lie there, in the grass, pointing out clouds, pointing out different shapes, and Ben feels very much at peace with Poe.   
  
***  
  
When Ben realizes that he’s in love with Poe, he’s eighteen years old, and Poe’s growing older, cooler, more beautiful and more accomplished. It’s enough to break Ben’s heart, because Poe is so beautiful, and Poe will never think of Ben as anything else but a teenager. He wants it to be more than that so badly, but the odds of it happening are pretty low, Ben knows that much.   
  
So Poe grows. His mind is still beautiful, Ben can’t help but think. Even picking up on his thoughts are just fragments, but it’s still warm, still comforting, so bright and so pure. He’s light and warmth and heat, and Ben knows that he feels more Light here, with Poe, than just memorizing old texts and the Code, things that seem to reinforce that there’s something Wrong and Tainted about Ben.   
  
Poe doesn’t seem to have that difficulty. Then again, Poe’s not a Jedi. Poe’s some being out of a fairytale, radiant with light and laughter and warmth, who probably has birds perched on his shoulder and flowers sprouting up under his feet.   
  
Poe’s amazing. Wonderful. And Ben...  
  
Ben’s so in love with him.   
  
***  
  
When they get together, Poe’s mind practically becomes a fountain of light. Even as they start going out (officially, this time), he feels like some of the light is pouring into him, healing the wounds that Ben doesn’t know existed. They kiss over each other’s scars — Ben kisses Poe’s scars when he can, sometimes after they make love, Poe brushes over uncertainties and doubts (these feelings of “am I good enough for you?”) with his lips and fingers.   
  
Ben also brushes over broken thoughts, those moments of sadness in Poe when he just thinks some of the things he’s seen at war is too much. He kisses and caresses them, and reassures Poe that he’s still a good person. Ben just sometimes wishes that Poe could have his abilities in turn, just to know that Ben loves him more than he can possibly understand. He tries to show that instead through kisses, caresses, embraces, listening to Poe, saying the words out loud, gifts...anything. If he could, he’d give Poe the stars from the sky itself.   
  
***  
  
When Ben Solo becomes Kylo Ren, he learns how to use his powers to interrogate, to get information. It’s all it is, really — Kylo doesn’t take pleasure in these things, but they are necessary nonetheless. He uses them because he must, he uses them because he needs to. And using these powers on his own husband is far from what Kylo wants. He shifts through Poe’s mind, and it’s such a bright, beautiful thing, practically radiant, shining with such light that Kylo Ren feels all but burned by it and lured by it and having it call to him in a voice of its own.   
  
He never should have left Poe. Poe should have come with him, stood by his side as a member of the First Order. Poe doesn’t belong in the Resistance with a woman who thinks nothing of him; he belongs with Kylo Ren, at his side, in his arms. He would have lived as Kylo Ren’s favorite pilot if not for Ren’s own foolishness, if not for  _Skywalker..._  
  
He asks where the map is, again and again. Poe defies him. He digs deeper into Poe’s mind, past the defenses, and Poe screams.   
  
Even that scream Kylo doesn’t take pleasure in. Poe is such a bright presence, radiant, and breaking him is something that Kylo Ren can never do. Poe’s memories dance across the canvas of his mind, and Kylo brushes them away with a snarl of rage.   
  
“Touched a nerve, huh?” Poe says.   
  
“Where is the map?”  
  
“Where’s Ben?”  
  
“Dead,” Kylo says. “He was weak and foolish, so I destroyed him.”  
  
 _Weak and foolish and disgusting,_ Kylo thinks, though he doesn’t say it aloud. There were no redeeming qualities in Ben Solo. He’s dead and deserves to be.   
  
“He’s a better man...than you ever were.”  
  
Kylo can’t help but hate Poe, and digs deeper. He brushes away memories of Ben Solo, disgusted, angry, determined to get the map, until finally...  
  
 _“You take this! It’s safer with you than it is with me.”_  
  
BB-8. Kylo should have known. Of course it was BB-8 all along.   
  
Kylo withdraws and leaves. Tells General Hux where the map is. All the while, though he doesn’t show it, he feels sick. There should have been another way to get the map. There truly should have been. Maybe he could have just asked — but that would mean Poe defying him, which he doubts he can take —  
  
He’s interrogated many prisoners. But this...this is one of the worst interrogations he’s ever done. 


End file.
